


Mother Knows Best

by hopingforaword



Series: Mother 'verse [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Boys Kissing, Cuddling, Depression, Drinking, Getting Together, HP: EWE, Hermione/Blaise and Pansy/Ron are background, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Sex, Infidelity, Internalized Homophobia, Legilimency, M/M, Magically Powerful Harry, Not a Big Theme but still there in the story, Parseltongue, Powerful Magic Kink, Roommates, Scars, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Switch!Draco, Switch!Harry, Virgin!Draco, bisexual!harry, gay!draco, powerful!Harry, uncomfortable sexual situations, various background hogwarts students, wanting to wait
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-12 08:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10486206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopingforaword/pseuds/hopingforaword
Summary: Draco and Pansy had been best friends since they were eight months old. Their mothers had met for tea and from that point on the two were inseparable. Draco was there when Pansy got her first cat, and Pansy was there when Draco opened his first broom. If they weren't together they were owling each other. There were few other kids that their parents let them play with, and Draco and Pansy both agreed with an eye roll and a laugh that Crabbe and Goyle were too dumb to be very much fun.





	1. So Cute Together

**Author's Note:**

> been writing this for a few days so here's the first chapter. my goal is to finish this whole thing before i post the next chapter on thursday. we'll see how that goes
> 
> there's a lot in the tags so please message me on [tumblr](hopingforaword.tumblr.com) if you have any questions about any of them and I would be happy to explain. please take care of your mental health babes <3

Draco and Pansy had been best friends since they were eight months old. Their mothers had met for tea and from that point on the two were inseparable. Draco was there when Pansy got her first cat, and Pansy was there when Draco opened his first broom. If they weren't together they were owling each other. There were few other kids that their parents let them play with, and Draco and Pansy both agreed with an eye roll and a laugh that Crabbe and Goyle were too dumb to be very much fun. 

The summer before they were supposed to start at Hogwarts, Draco and Pansy were playing hide and seek in Draco’s family’s manor. Draco had been planning on hiding in the parlor, but stopped when he heard Mrs. Parkinson speaking to his mother. He crouched outside, ear pressed to the crack between the doors. 

“They're already so cute together,” Mrs. Parkinson gushed, “Is he really trying to teach her how to fly?”

“He is,” Draco’s mother replied proudly, “But remember, they're still young. We have to let them come together on their own.”

“Just imagine, in five years we'll have to pull them apart,” Mrs. Parkinson sighed. 

“We already have to pull them apart, but for very different reasons,” Narcissa laughed. “In ten years time, we could be grandmothers.” She paused before saying, “We’re not getting old, are we?”

“Narcissa, you don't look a day over twenty five.”

“Found you!” Pansy shouted, making Draco jump. She slumped against the wall. “You're not even hiding, Draco. You're no fun.”

“Never mind that,” Draco said, “I just heard something you'll want to know. C’mon, let’s go up to my room.”

Draco and Pansy slunk up the stairs to Draco’s room and gently shut the door behind them. Draco turned to Pansy. “So, and I'm not totally sure, but I'm pretty sure I heard our mothers discussing our future marriage.”

“Ew,” Pansy said, “Sorry, Draco, but … ew.”

“Yeah, I love you Pans, but I don't think I want to snog you.”

“And I want to marry someone who I can't beat up.”

“Cannot!”

Pansy jumped on Draco, and in the ensuing tussle both forgot about the looming marriage. That night, when Narcissa was tucking Draco into bed he suddenly remembered. 

“Mother, am I only friends with Pansy so I can marry her someday?”

Narcissa sat down next to Draco. “Eavesdropping again?” she asked with one eyebrow raised. 

“Not on purpose,” Draco pouted, and Narcissa sighed. 

“You are friends with Pansy because you and Pansy get along. Yes, you will marry her someday.”

“Did you have to marry Father?”

“No, I met your father in Hogwarts and fell in love with him then.”

Draco frowned. “What if I meet someone at Hogwarts too? Why can't I marry who I love?”

“You do love Pansy, Draco. You told me yourself. Besides, my mother arranged Aunt Bella’s marriage. It's always the oldest child. And you're my one and only Draco.”

“But why?” 

Narcissa leaned in to kiss Draco’s forehead. “Because mother knows best. Goodnight Draco.” She stood up and extinguished Draco’s lantern before leaving the room. Draco tossed and turned in his sleep, unable to imagine a future with Pansy as his wife.


	2. Blaise's Input

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blaise Zabini is a Great Friend™

For the next five years, Draco and Pansy put on a good show of dating to their parents. They visited each other over break to gossip and had Blaise take pictures of the two of them dancing at the Yule Ball. They mentioned each other in their letters home and bought small gifts for Christmas and their birthdays. 

The summer before sixth year, something in Pansy’s demeanor towards Draco changed. On the train to school, Pansy fought Crabbe for the seat next to Draco and was constantly trying to reach out to touch him. At dinner on the first night, she asked him repeatedly if he was okay, eyes full of sickening worry. “Tired,” Draco responded. After dinner, he rushed up to his room without another word. Blaise joined him minutes later, striding across the room to flop elegantly on Draco’s bed. 

“What's bothering you, Draco?” he asked. 

“Nothing,” Draco muttered, rifling through his trunk, “I’m tired I said.”

“Bull. You can pull that with Pansy, but I know you.”

Draco flopped down next to Blaise. “I don't want to talk about Pansy.”

“Ah ha! That's the problem then,” Blaise said, “Lady trouble.”

“She's being weird. Didn't you notice?”

Blaise rolled his eyes. “Draco, she wants you.”

“Come again?”

“She wants to be with you.” When Draco continued to look thoroughly nonplussed, Blaise sighed. “Sexually.”

Draco turned over onto his stomach and groaned into his pillow.

“That's not a bad thing mate. Remember, mommy wants you to marry Pansy and daddy wants heirs, so Pansy being sexually interested in you is a good thing.”

“What good is wanting anything if you can't get it?”

Blaise stared at the back of Draco’s head, deciphering. “Draco!” he shouted, smacking his best friend on the back. “You can't honestly tell me you don't want to sleep with Pansy!”

Draco rolled over, eyes shut, and nodded. “Why is that so inconceivable?”

“Pansy’s hot,” Blaise said, “You'd have to be mad not to sleep with her.”

Draco shrugged. “I guess I'm mad.”

“So who do you want to sleep with?” When Draco didn't say anything, Blaise added, “Just try it with Pansy. It'll be good for you and all your stress. And you'll have to do it someday. Better to get it out of the way sooner rather than later.”

“I can use my hand for all the stress relief I need thank you very much.”

Blaise got a wicked glint in his eye. “If not Pansy, what do you think of when you wank Draco?”

Draco turned bright red but said, “Nothing in particular.”

“Nothing? No one?”

“Nope.”

“Well, what turns you on?”

Draco huffed. “I'm not in the mood for this conversation. Get off my bed.” He pushed Blaise, and despite his thinner frame, surprise was on Draco’s side. Blaise hit the ground and Draco spelled his curtains shut. He pulled off all his clothes until he sat on his bedspread in his boxers. Draco crawled under the covers, willing himself to think of anything but Pansy and the future he did not want.

*****

“I still don't see the problem!” Blaise whispered over his Potions textbook. “Pansy is hot. If she wants to shag over the hols, what's the problem?”

“I don't want to Blaise, can't we leave it at that? Merlin, I can’t believe we’re having the same conversation three months later.” Draco hissed back, scratching his head as he scribbled away at his essay. 

“She's the hottest girl we know!”

“Well maybe I don't like girls!” Draco realized what he said after the words left his mouth and looked up at Blaise, horrified. Blaise’s mouth was hanging open and his Potions book was flat on the table. Draco threw his things in his bag and rushed out of the library without another word. 

_ This is it _ , he thought as he walked back to his dorm,  _ This is the end of the line Draco. _ Everything was so hard, but he had been struggling through. Sure, his father was in prison, but he was okay. Sure, the Dark Lord was living in his house, but he was okay. Sure his mission was going to kill him or get him arrested, but he was okay. Sure, he didn’t love Pansy, but he was okay. He had been okay, and he would’ve been okay if he hadn’t let it slip to Blaise that he didn’t like girls. He stalked up to the Astronomy Tower, the tallest tower and the one he always went to when he had to think, and took a long look over the grounds. He had to be perfect. If Draco couldn’t be perfect, he couldn’t be Draco Malfoy.

“Draco are you––What are you doing?” Blaise shouted. He threw his backpack down and crossed the room, pulling Draco off the edge of the tower and prying the knife out of his hand. Blaise picked up his bag and half-carried Draco back to the Slytherin dorms. Carefully, Blaise placed the blonde boy on his own bed. “What were you thinking?” Blaise asked, sitting gently on the edge of Draco’s bed.

Staring blankly at the ceiling, Draco said, “I was thinking that if the cut wasn’t deep enough I’d pass out from the sight of blood and fall off the tower.”

“What if you’d fallen the other way?”

Draco shrugged, the same blank look on his face, “Maybe the concrete would’ve cracked my skull.”

“Draco, look at me.” 

“No.”

Blaise sighed. “How long have you been thinking like this?”

Draco rolled over towards Blaise, eyes shut. “Like actively about how to kill myself or just being generally suicidal?”

“Have I been oblivious this whole time?”

“Would I be a real Slytherin if I let you know about my internal struggles? You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know.”

Blaise nodded. “Did something in particular happen?”

“I told you I… that I… I mean…”

“That you like guys? I don’t care, Draco.”

Draco sighed and turned away. “Bullshit. You’re just trying to make me feel better. You couldn’t deal with having it on your conscience if I tried to jump off the Astronomy Tower again, so you want to make sure it doesn’t happen. Of course you care.”

“Draco,” Blaise pleaded. Draco shook his head, but after a sudden flurry of movement, Draco was pinned on his back with Blaise straddling his waist. Draco looked up at him, eyes wide in fear. Blaise smiled and ran a hand gently along Draco’s jaw before he leaned forward to kiss Draco. As soon as Draco leaned up into the kiss, Blaise pulled back. “Good?” Draco nodded. “Was that your first kiss?” Draco didn’t move, but his red cheeks revealed the answer. “Good. I’ll make this one even better.” 

Blaise leaned in and Draco agreed that the second kiss was better than the first. Blaise pushed his lips into Draco’s, running his teeth gently over Draco’s bottom lip before sucking the blonde boy’s lip into his mouth. He teased the space between Draco’s lips by gently licking where they met until Draco opened his mouth with a gasp. Immediately Blaise plunged his tongue in to meet Draco’s, exploring the warm heat of the paler boy’s mouth. Draco pulled back with a gasp.

“I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner.”

Blaise grinned. “I’m glad I get to do this to you.” Blaise leaned back down, and Draco kissed him back, his tongue relentlessly and clumsily pushing into Blaise’s mouth. Blaise’s hands glided down over Draco’s neck, gently running over the paler boy’s front before slipping under his shirt. Draco gasped softly as Blaise’s hands caressed his stomach and Blaise’s mouth travelled down to the base of Draco’s neck. Draco closed his eyes, lips parted slightly, as Blaise sucked a hickey into the bottom of his neck. He gasped suddenly and sat up as much as he could when Blaise’s hands came to rest on the button of his trousers.

“Sorry,” Draco muttered, not looking at Blaise, now perched on his thighs, “I’m just not ready.”

Blaise raised an eyebrow. “You look ready to me,” he said, gesturing to the tent in Draco’s trousers. Draco reddened, still not meeting Blaise’s eye.

“I’m old-fashioned,” Draco responded, “You should know, considering why I was on the Astronomy Tower. I don’t care about marriage, but I want to wait until I’m in love with the person. I’m sorry, Blaise.”

Blaise smiled before clambering off of Draco’s legs. “It’s not problem a Dray. I get what you mean, but if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have my own situation to deal with. I’ll leave you alone to handle yours.” Blaise winked at Draco and went over to his bed, shutting the curtains tightly.

Draco laid down on his own bed, shutting his curtains and casting a Silencing spell, but he had no desire to touch himself. He just wanted to think. He stared up at the ceiling of his four poster bed. Blaise hadn’t cared–maybe had even wanted to sleep with him–but Pansy would care. Pansy wanted Draco to shag her, and Draco was supposed to keep Pansy happy, so he had to do it. They were both staying at school over the winter hols, so they were going to do it then. Fingers crossed that it went well.


	3. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still haven't finished it, but I wrote a lot more. Expect two more chapters on Saturday!

“So,” Draco said, sitting on Blaise’s bed, not looking at Pansy sitting on his.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” He stood up and walked over to Pansy. Gently, he sat down next to her. Draco turned to her and opened his mouth to speak, but Pansy snogged him. It wasn't totally unpleasant for Draco, but he couldn't shake that he was snogging Pansy, the best girl friend he'd ever had, a girl he'd known since he was less than a year old, a  _ girl _ . Pansy pulled Draco over her, his hands planted on either side of her shoulders, his head bent so he could snog her. She ran her hands roughly down his frame, pulling at the bottom of his shirt until it was free from his waistband. Pansy unbuttoned Draco’s shirt and pulled it off his shoulder before throwing off her jumper. Draco looked at her, the first girl he'd ever seen shirtless, and all he felt was an odd sense of detachment from what was happening. Pansy, having decided that the whole situation needed to be under her control, sighed as she undid Draco’s belt and pulled it through the loops. 

“You're so handsome, Draco,” Pansy whispered as her hands rested on his stomach. Draco took a deep breath, trying to steel himself, before he met Pansy’s eyes and his shoulders sagged. He rolled off of Pansy, running his hands through his hair. 

“I'm sorry,” he whispered after a minute. 

“Me too,” Pansy said. “I thought I was wrong.” She paused before saying, “Would you do it if I were Potter?” Draco looked stricken, and Pansy sighed, small tears in her eyes. “I've seen the way you look at him Draco. I know you want to shag him, I just always held out hope that you would want to shag me too. But clearly that was a pipe dream. You're not even vaguely excited.”

Draco closed his eyes, hand still running through his hair. “I'm sorry Pans.” He opened his eyes and looked at her. “You're a great girl—”

“Don't, Draco,” Pansy sighed, “Just… don't.” She stood up and pulled her jumper back over her head, smoothing it out. She walked over to the mirror on Draco’s nightstand and looked into it, smoothing her hair and wiping her eyes. Draco watched her, his best friend, as she turned to him. “How just shagged do I look?”

“Not at all.” They broke their gaze, both thinking that Pansy didn't look just shagged because they hadn't. 

Pansy cleared her throat. “I'm going to go talk to Snape. Maybe he'll let me Floo home if I can convince him I'm sick. See you around, Draco.” She walked out of the room, and Draco closed his eyes. It would be nice to have the run of the Slytherin dungeons, even if it came at the cost of breaking his best friend’s heart. 


	4. Back to School

Draco didn’t go back for his eighth year to be away from home, or because the Wizengamot mandated it. He went back because he wanted to graduate. He didn’t want to buy his power anymore. More than anything, Draco wanted to be a Healer, and he couldn’t do that without his NEWTs. So he was going back.

He sat alone on the train ride there. Of all his friends, only Blaise was also going back, and he had his gaggle of sixth and seventh year admirers to attend to, so Draco had a compartment to himself. He locked the door, not wanting any nasty surprises from those who wanted to see their idea of justice done. McGonagall had assured him that he would be safe, but Draco was suspicious of his fellow students. If he could beat himself up all summer, what was to stop them from beating him up? Merlin knows he deserved it. 

Draco shook his head and ran his hands along his forearms. He found the smooth skin where he knew the Dark Mark had once been. It had taken a complex mix of potions and spells, but Draco and Granger (of all people, Granger had helped him!) had figured out a way to remove it. Sometimes he had nightmares that it was still there. On his other forearm, he traced the thin scars littered from wrist to elbow. After the war had ended, Draco had only felt worse. He was a fighter for the losing side, he had caused so much pain, he deserved to feel a little pain himself. When Blaise had visited him over the summer and seen the cuts, his mother had taken him to a Mind Healer. He was supposed to remember that he was forced to become a Death Eater, that he was only protecting his family, that hurting himself more didn't fix anything. He was supposed to, but he didn't always. 

Draco’s fingers slid down to his hand, where he twisted the thin silver band on his ring finger. An engagement ring. To commemorate his engagement to Pansy. He was getting married to Pansy come next August. She was going to look beautiful and he was going to smile for the pictures and not think about the fact that in some weird twisted way she had won. Draco resisted the urge to rifle through his trunk for his silver knife. Instead, he slipped the ring off his finger and tucked it into the box with their wedding rings, which he put back in his trunk. He had picked out the wedding rings, and didn't want Pansy to see them until August. With Draco at school and Lucius in Azkaban, Pansy and her mother practically lived at the Manor (except when Pansy had had enough and went to her flat in London), perpetually making preparations for next August. 

Draco was exhausted, so he leaned his forehead against the window pane and fell asleep. 

*****

When they got to school and went into the Great Hall, a fifth table had been added. Not many people had come back for eighth year, but as McGonagall had written in her letters home, there was simply not space in the regular dorms for them. Apparently that included the tables, as the fifth table was perpendicular to the rest and the banners above it were gray with “Eighth Years,” written on them in red, blue, yellow, and green. As Draco sat, he wondered if the colors were proportional to how many kids from that house had come back, since it was mostly blue and only barely green.

Draco did not pay attention to much of anything through dinner, choosing to keep his head down and eat. He did not want to make eye contact with anyone. He feared the stares of people who would assume he only came back because he had to. After all, Draco hadn’t been there for seventh year, the only pureblood not to return that year.  _ He wouldn’t let me! _ Draco wanted to scream _ , I would’ve given my left arm to come back and he knew it and he barely let me leave the house! _ He didn’t want to see loathing in the eyes of people who had every right to hate him, to wish him dead. But most of all, he didn’t want to see pity. He was Draco Malfoy; he didn’t want to be hated, but he certainly didn’t want anyone’s pity.

Draco didn’t listen to McGonagall’s speech. He had intended to, but after he realized she was simply restating the reform policies of the new Phoenix party, he tuned out. Draco had spent all summer reading the policies in the Phoenix party’s mission statement and writing letters to Granger about them. She had been incredibly nice about explaining the finer points of how Squibs were going to be integrated into the community, particularly Hogwarts, and Draco hadn’t been exaggerating when he said she would be Minister of Magic before twenty years was up. He looked around distractedly and accidentally caught Potter’s eye. A cold shock went through Draco, as always had when he looked at Potter. He hadn’t known what it was when he was thirteen, but he knew now and it was even more forbidden than it was then. Potter smiled and rolled his eyes. Draco attempted a half-hearted smile back before pretending to listen to McGonagall again.

After the speech, McGonagall had come down to assign rooms to the eighth years. Draco had put in a request for a single, not particularly pleased with the idea that he might end up sharing a room with students that would harbor resentment towards him. To his dismay, Draco had been informed that the smallest room was a double. He watched as the Ravenclaw girls were assigned the same room, as were the the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor girls. McGonagall reached Draco. “Mr. Malfoy,” she said, scanning her list, “You’re in room three. It’s a double on the third floor.”

“Thank you, Professor.” Draco stood up and walked slowly up to his room. He wasn’t thrilled to find out who his roommate was. Hopefully it would be Blaise, but Draco wasn’t particularly hopeful. 

When he reached the room, he realized there was no portrait or password, just a wooden door with the number three emblazoned on it in red and silver. Red meant Gryffindor. Just as Draco reached out to open the door, it swung open.

_ Fuck _ , Draco thought. There he stood in sweatpants and a black t-shirt: Harry Potter, Draco’s new roommate.

“I was worried you got lost on the way,” Harry said, standing in the doorway. “I wasn’t  _ supposed _ to know it was you, but I have my ways.” He winked at Draco, who was still standing stock still on the other side of the threshold. “Well, come in.” He stepped out of the doorway, and Draco stepped into the room.

Draco was surprised by how nice the room was. It resembled the photos of small Muggle flats he’d seen, except that it lacked a kitchen/dining room. There was a living room, a bathroom, and a bedroom. Draco toed off his shoes and hung up his robes. He walked into the bedroom slowly, looking around at the decor. One side of the room was decked in silver and green, the other in red and gold. It looked a bit like Christmas had exploded all over the room, but it was nice somehow. Draco opened his trunk and spelled everything into the closet and onto the bookshelves. He pulled out a pair of pajama pants and undid his fly before Potter cleared his throat behind him. Draco started and looked at him, hovering in the doorway.

“Sorry,” Potter said, leaning against the doorframe. “Thought you might want to know I was here before you started stripping.”

“Please,” Draco scoffed, voice full of false bravado, “We’re eighteen. Changing is hardly a big deal.” Nevertheless, Draco’s heart pounded as he took off his trousers.

“How was your summer?” Draco shrugged. “I saw Pansy’s at Twilfit and Tattings in August.”

“Really?”

“Her wedding gown is gorgeous.” Potter paused. “So, the two of you are engaged?”

Draco sat down on his bed, and Potter walked over to his own. “Yeah.”

Potter laughed. “You don’t seem too pleased about it.”

“I’ve known Pansy my whole life. She’s a great girl, but that doesn’t mean I want to marry her. My mother wants me to, so I’m doing it.”

“Narcissa was gushing over Pansy at the shop, but Pansy doesn’t seem too excited either. I presume you’ve told her about your lack of willingness?” Draco nodded. “It’s a shame. I mean, clearly neither of you is going to be happy. Are you at least… compatible?”

Draco felt his face grow red but tried to maintain his composure. “Pansy and I have never actually shagged.”

Potter looked at him, head tilted. “Are you a virgin Draco?”

“Draco?”

“I know you may be ‘Potter’ing me in your head, but we have to be friends now. Friendly, at least.”

Draco looked away from Harry’s intense green eyes that he had always envied. “Yeah, I am.”

“Are ‘Potter’ing me or are a virgin?”

“Both.”

“Well, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, Draco. It’s just part of your life. Everyone’s a virgin at some point.”

Draco scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Easy for you say, Chosen One. I’m sure you’ve shagged tons of people.”

Harry scratched the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t say  _ tons _ –”

“C’mon, Harry, give us a number.”

Harry screwed up his face in thought and Draco watched him openly. “Twelve I think?”

“Twelve?”

“Cedric, Ginny, Charlie, that American girl, those guys from the pub… yeah, twelve.”

“You’re gay?”

“Bisexual, Draco. Do keep up.”

Draco closed his eyes, trying to process. “You shagged Diggory?”

“He shagged me.”

Draco felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his head, or his head was going to explode. “We were fourteen when he died.” Harry’s face grew stony as he nodded. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing just… Hermione and Ron kinda give me shit for it a lot. Less after he died, but more again now. Hermione tries to psychoanalyze why I did it, and Ron just laughs. I don’t need to be analyzed, though. I know exactly why I did it. I was a horny fourteen year old and the subject of most of my wet dreams was offering something I never thought I’d get. Of course I did it.”

“You still miss him, don’t you?” There was something soft in Draco’s voice, something he himself had never heard.

“He was the first person I loved,” Harry sniffed. “It was special. He was special. Everything was perfect. We were going to win the cup, and spend the summer together and then–” Harry sighed and wiped his eyes, and Draco wondered why Harry didn’t blame him for his ex-boyfriend’s death. His father had been there, after all.

There was a pause before Draco sat forward. “What’s it like?”

Harry tapped the foot of his bed and Draco scrambled to sit with him. They sat cross-legged on opposite ends of the bed, and Draco felt oddly like a girl at a sleepover. “Well, being shagged hurts. A lot. But then it feels amazing. There’s this weird sense of losing control, but it’s cathartic and freeing and you just feel so completely in tune with yourself and the other person. And shagging is like, I don’t know. It’s like wanking but better. So much better.”

“Which do you prefer?”

“Both have their benefits and their downsides,” Harry said, “But when push comes to shove I’d say I prefer shagging someone to being shagged. I’ll do both though. I love both.”

Images of Harry shagging Draco chased themselves through Draco’s head, but he refused to entertain any of them. It would not send the proper idea to Harry if Draco got hard while sitting on the end of Harry’s bed talking about sex. 

“Any reason you’re not wearing your ring?”

Draco started and glanced down at his left hand. “I didn’t want people to ask about it.”

“Any reason you don’t want to marry Pansy?”

Draco’s face went stony. He didn’t want to talk about this. Sure, Harry had opened up to him, but Draco was under no obligation to return the favor. “No. You want to play Exploding Snap?”

“Sure,” Harry said, standing up to get the game out of his closet. Draco wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw a hint of disappointment on Harry’s perfect features.


	5. Red Hair and Firewhiskey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters! it's still not done but i am so so very close. i'm half done with the second to last chapter and i know how the last one will go, so i will try my very very best to post them on monday

“Pans?” Eighth year students were allowed to use the Floo network however they wanted (within limits), so Draco had to call Pansy. Two months of sharing a room with Harry had been driving him mad. Harry, for reasons Draco could not fathom, had no modesty. The man walked around in his boxers or in a towel until about three minutes before they had to leave their room. Draco would’ve been angry and probably told Harry off if he didn’t enjoy the ability to look at Harry’s body when Harry wasn’t looking at him. Draco had been tense since the first day of term, and more than any previous point in his life, he wanted Harry Potter to shag him. So he did what he always did in times of crisis, which was reach out to Blaise, whose advice consisted of giving him a basket full of things Draco would “need” and he could “thank me later, I know I’m a great friend.” Draco had hidden the basket deep in his closet. The next person to turn to was Pansy, so Draco was kneeling on the floor of the living room he and Harry shared, his head in the fire of Pansy’s flat in London. “Pans?” he called again. It was a Friday morning. She ought to be home. He heard hurried footsteps and sighed. Pansy’s legs appeared in front of Draco’s face before she bent down.

“Hi Draco,” she said, in a too-cheery voice, “I didn’t know you were going to call.”

“I thought you’d be up, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Pansy looked over her shoulder towards where she had come from, and Draco took a second to look at her. Her dressing gown was pulled tight around her, but he could see the edge of the lacy red bra she had worn the day they almost shagged. Her hair was mussed, and she looked like she had fallen asleep in last night’s makeup. Draco noticed a few red marks on the inside of her thighs and was about to ask when his question was answered for him.

Ron Weasley, dressed in only his boxers, lumbered into Pansy’s kitchen and leaned over to kiss the top of her head before noticing who was in the fireplace. “Oh. Hello Malfoy.”

“Hello Weasley. Does someone want to explain what’s going on?”

“You were never going to tell our mothers that you didn’t want to marry me, and my mother was never going to let me break our engagement unless I found someone else. I got a job at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes because I wanted to have something that was mine while you and Blaise are at school. And Ron and I started spending time together. Draco, we were picking out wedding dresses and tie colors and making honeymoon plans when neither of us wants to marry the other.” She looked at him for a long moment. “I loved you when we were sixteen. You never loved me back. I don’t begrudge you that. But I will not let you and my mother and your mother take my freedom away from me. I do not want to marry you.” Pansy pulled the ring off her finger and Draco reached out a hand to take it. She dropped it into his palm. “I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

Draco nodded. “Good luck, to both of you. I hope you’re both incredibly happy together.” He pulled his head out of the fireplace, but not quickly enough to miss the way Pansy met Ron’s lips like she had been doing it her whole life.

*****

“I can’t believe Weasley and Pansy are together.”

“We should be celebrating!” Harry said, brandishing his spoon, “This should be a Firewhiskey party, not an ice cream sleepover.”

“Harry, my engagement ended.” He looked down into the bowl of ice cream Harry had asked for from the kitchens. 

“You didn’t want to marry her anyway.”

Draco shrugged. “I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. After school I was going to marry Pansy and try to become a Healer. Now… I have nothing. My mother is furious at me. Said if I had treated Pansy better she wouldn’t have left me for Weasley.”

“You haven’t told her yet?” Draco shook his head, and Harry clapped him on the back. “Buck up, Draco. It’ll all be great. You can live with me.”

Draco turned red but didn’t comment on Harry’s offer. “You were going to live with Weasley once we graduated, weren’t you? Hey, how come you didn’t know Granger and Weasley broke up?”

Harry shrugged. “I haven’t seen her much since we started back here. She’s been sending every spare second with Zabini, hasn’t she?”

“Blaise?” Draco sat back in thought. “What are the odds that they both cheated on each other? I mean, considering how cozy Weasley and Pansy looked I’d say that wasn’t the first night they’d shagged. I’d even guess that they’re shacking up.”

Harry shook his head vehemently. “Hermione’s too honest for that. She’d break up with Ron if she even suspected that anything might happen with Zabini. Besides, it’s not like he’d be interested in her.”

Draco scoffed, pulling the spoon out of his mouth with a loud pop. “Blaise would sleep with anyone that asks. And he thinks Hermione’s hot, so I wouldn’t bet against her.”

Harry tilted his head in thought. “Maybe. I’m sure we can ask.” He ate another spoonful of ice cream. “So, now that you’re free to date anyone and not just girls with mummy’s stamp of approval, are you interested in anyone?”

“I’ll answer if you answer.”

Harry grinned like a hyena and Draco shivered with a combination of emotions he couldn’t quite identify. “I think it’s time to break out the Firewhiskey.”

A quarter bottle of Firewhiskey later, Harry and Draco were giggling like mad. “You actually said that?” Draco said through his laughs.

“He asked if I could really talk to snakes while we were in bed! What was I supposed to say?”

Draco snorted and hiccupped. “Probably not, ‘Yeah, and I don’t just mean the reptiles.’”

“I was fourteen, Draco. I’m sure you remember what I was like then. Ruddy hair, fighting with Ron, not a smooth bone in my body?”

“Diggory’s boner in your ass?” Draco was sober enough to realize that saying that had not been in good taste but Harry laughed.

“True.” They sat for a minute, laughter dying as they looked at each other. They were sprawled out on the floor between their two beds, both in just pajama pants, and Draco took the silent moment to stare at Harry’s exposed chest. The golden toned muscle was so different from Draco’s own pale, thin chest. His eyes mapped out the torso he was sure he could’ve described with his eyes closed and vowed himself not to look any lower. After a moment, Harry cleared his throat and Draco looked up at him. Harry was smirking, but with a strange kindness in his eye. “Like what you see?”

Draco’s throat went dry and he swallowed but nodded.  _ Now or never _ .

“You want to get a closer look?”

Draco nodded and scooted himself across the floor so he was seated almost on Harry’s lap. Draco raised a hand to gently trace a circular scar on Harry’s chest. Harry’s fingers trailed across the scars on Draco’s abdomen and Draco shivered.

“I’m sorry about these,” Harry whispered, “I never said it, but I’m sorry.”

“You saved my life last year Harry. Worse things have happened to me than that bathroom duel.” Harry’s other hand was wrapped around his wrist, and Draco writhed uncomfortably.

“Is something wrong?” Harry whispered, genuine care dripping almost sickeningly off every syllable.

“There’s… there’s a lot you don’t know about me, Harry.” Draco looked into the electric green eyes that had been featured in his dreams since he was twelve. “I don’t want to scare you off.”

“You can’t,” Harry promised, “I’ve been a lot of kinds of scared, Draco, but I’m not scared of you. You can’t scare me off.”

Draco sighed and tugged Harry’s hand up his forearm, using Harry’s fingers to trace the scars all over it. Instead of recoiling the way Draco expected, Harry leaned into Draco’s arm, pressing down firmly but lovingly.

“You’re so strong, Draco,” Harry whispered reverently, “I know you don’t think you are, I know you think this shows you’re weak, but it doesn’t.”

“I tried to kill myself sixth year.” He’d never told anyone what Blaise had found him doing on the Astronomy Tower, but it felt like a time for honesty.

“Yet here you are. And lucky for me, too.” Harry leaned in until his lips were a millimeter away from Draco’s. “Is this okay?”

Draco leaned forward in answer, pressing up into the kiss and putting himself more fully in Harry’s lap. He tangled his fingers in the jet black hair and moaned into Harry’s mouth when he yanked Draco’s blond hair. They sat there, pushing and pulling, kissing and gasping until Draco pulled back suddenly. “I want you to shag me.”

Harry leaned back. “I want to shag you. Not today, though. I want to make it special for you. Besides, you have all your morals. I don’t want Sober Draco to hate Drunk Draco and Drunk Harry come seven a.m. tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Draco said, standing up and walking over to his bed, “Will you come cuddle with me at least?”

Harry smiled, “I would be honored.” He climbed into to bed, Draco’s back pressed to his chest. They both fell asleep smiling.


	6. At Long Last

Draco woke up with Harry’s arms wrapped around him and smiled to himself. Years of dreaming had finally come true, and he wanted to live in the sunny Saturday morning moment forever. He sat there, basking in the warm sun. He had never woken up with sunlight in his room. The Slytherin dungeons got the filtered lake light, and his room was on the west side of his house. He loved lying there with Harry, warm sun light beaming onto them both. After a minute he squirmed and stood up to use the bathroom.

When he came back, Harry was still lying there, but when Draco crawled back into bed, he opened his eyes. “Morning.”

Draco kissed Harry’s forehead. “Good morning.”

“So we’re really doing this?”

Draco laid on his side, head propped up on his hand, gazing into Harry’s eyes. “You were right last night. What you said about my morals. I don’t want to throw that all away at the first chance I get to shag you. I care about you, Harry, and Merlin knows you’re hot as dragon breath, but I want to… I want to go slowly.”

Harry nodded. “I’m quite content to cuddle you while you fall asleep until you’re ready. And you don’t ever have to be ready. Everything goes on your timeline, Draco. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.” Draco smiled. “Besides, there’s lots of things we can do besides shag.”

Draco arched an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Harry leaned in to kiss Draco. Now that Draco could actually appreciate what was happening, he could tell that Harry was a skilled kisser. He went slowly, pulling gently at Draco’s lips and scraping his teeth across them until the paler boy was worried he would start moaning. Harry tugged Draco’s hair and Draco gasped, offering Harry the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into Draco’s mouth. Harry seemed to know everything Draco would like before Draco knew. He ran the tip of his tongue gently over the space behind Draco’s top teeth and Draco shuddered. The air felt like it was crackling with electricity. “It is,” Harry whispered.

“What?”

“You didn’t say that out loud?” Draco shook his head. “Sorry. You were thinking so loudly I thought you were talking.”

“You’re a Legilimens?”

Harry blushed. “I try to control it but it still gets out of hand sometimes. People think really loudly.”

“What else can you do?” Draco asked breathlessly. He would’ve admitted himself that powerful magic (almost) always made him a little weak in the knees.

“Well, I can talk to snakes,” Harry whispered, “and not just the reptiles.”

Draco laughed, which turned into a gasp when Harry’s hips met his under the blankets.

“Not today though.” Draco nodded and Harry kissed his nose. “I’m going to take a shower. You can join me, if you want, but no pressure.”

Draco considered as Harry got off the bed. He was still a little nervous about this whole thing, so he decided to wait for Harry to finish his shower.


	7. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's here early because i love you

A month later Draco and Harry were still ridiculously happy. They studied together, meaning Harry was doing well in all his classes. Now that Hermione and Blaise were actually together, Harry had to depend on Draco to study with, but neither of them minded particularly much. Draco was rewarded for his efforts with practical spell work. Anything that showcased Harry’s power (wand work, Legilimency, Parseltongue, Quidditch) turned Draco on, so their practical sessions ended more often than not with both of them panting on the floor of the Room of Requirement, shirts and occasionally pants thrown somewhere else. Harry had been amazing about Draco’s boundaries, and Draco was sure he was ready now. Over the four weeks, he and Harry had taken showers together, wanked and blown each other, and snogged a lot. Draco was ready for this.

On the first Sunday of December, Draco woke up and found a note on the side of the bed where Harry usually slept (they had Transfigured one bed to be larger and gotten a set of gray and green sheets). He opened it and smiled. It said, “Dear love, I got up early to organize some surprises for our anniversary. See you at breakfast. Love, Harry.” Draco put the note aside to get dressed. They’d come awfully close over the past four weeks to saying  _ it _ , but neither of them had yet. He dressed quickly, taking care to look the best that he could without looking like he was trying too hard. After three minutes of fighting his hair, Draco gave up and let it stay messy. He walked slowly down to breakfast.

When Draco got to the Great Hall, he looked over to where he and Harry usually sat and was surprised to see garish green and gray heart balloons suspended above the table. Although he and Harry might not have chosen the most hidden spots over the past month as places to snog (the Quidditch pitch wasn’t exactly private), they still hadn’t actually told anyone they were together. As he approached Harry, he broke into a grin at the sight of what was sitting on the table in front of Harry. He took his seat, and Harry smiled.

“Good morning, love,” Harry said and leaned across the table to give Draco a quick kiss. Out of the corner of his eye, Draco saw six people sitting near them turn away hurriedly. Harry dropped his voice to a whisper, “Everyone’s too goddamn nosy.”

Draco grinned. “What’s that you got there, Harry?” Harry pushed a plate stacked high with pancakes encircled with sausages to Draco. Draco looked down, and blushed from his nose to the tips of his ears. 

“‘Happy anniversary Draco’? Someone’s a bit sappy.” He met Harry’s eyes again, both filled with fondness for the other. “Pancakes and sausage, huh? You’ve been paying attention.” Harry grinned. “As have I.” He flicked his wrist and a plate of French toast appeared in front of Harry.

“My favorite,” Harry said, still looking at Draco, who blushed again.

“Shut up and eat your breakfast.”

 

They made their way through the gently falling snow towards Hogsmeade. “What are we doing in the village?” Draco asked. Harry didn’t answer. “What are we doing?”

“You don’t do well with surprises, do you?” Harry asked, smirking.

Draco stamped his feet slightly. “I’m an only child. Nothing was ever a surprise. Why won’t you tell me?”

Harry stopped walking abruptly. “We’re here.”

“Here? This isn’t the village.” Draco looked at Harry, who simply offered his arm. Draco took it, and the two Disapparated. 

“Paris?” Draco said, looking around. “Paris?” Harry was smiling. “You Apparated us to Paris?”

“Are you more surprised by the place or the magic?” Harry asked.

“Both,” Draco gasped.

“Oh c’mon, you know how powerful I am,” Harry said with a wink, and Draco dragged him into a kiss. 

Draco pulled back. “I love Paris! Let’s go see what there is to see!” Draco started practically skipping down the streets, and Harry followed, smiling.

 

They collapsed on their shared bed in their room just after sunset, and Draco smiled lazily at the ceiling. “I had a great time today. Notre-Dame is beautiful, and the food in Paris is exquisite.”

“Not to mention you snogged me every fifteen feet,” Harry said, jokingly. “If taking you to Paris makes you that excitable, I’m taking you every weekend.”

“That’s not Paris, that’s you,” Draco said, turning his head to look at Harry, “I love you, Harry.”

Harry met Draco’s eyes. “I love you too.”

Draco stood up. “I have something for you.” He walked over to his trunk and pulled a small box out of it. “I know it might seem really early, but I’ve never been very good with patient and waiting and I really love you so um,” he opened the box as he sat down next to Harry, “Will you marry me someday?”

Harry looked down. “A promise ring?”

“If you think it’s too much or if you just don’t want to I–”

Harry shut him up with a kiss. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.” Harry tackled Draco backwards, pushing him against the pillows on their bed. “I want you so much Draco,” he mumbled, kissing his way down Draco's neck, “So much.”

Draco gasped and swallowed. “You can have me,” he whispered.

Harry pulled back to look Draco in the eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want to do it if you’re not sure.”

“I’m sure Harry,” Draco said, “Please. I want you too.” 

Harry smiled at Draco. “You’ve got me. I love you.”

“I love you.” Harry and Draco were both grinning giddily as they leaned in to kiss each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously there is a part of this missing ((hint hint: sex)) but i didn't really want to put it in this fic so i wrote it separately as the second part of this series. you can find it [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10568700)


	8. Epilogue

August was hot, even at Malfoy Manor. Draco fidgeted in his suit again, pulling on his green necktie and adjusting his gray jacket. “Calm down, Draco,” Pansy said from his bed. 

“I can’t remember why in the name of Merlin I agreed to wear this ridiculous Muggle suit.”

“Because you look good in it?” Blaise suggested from across the room, “Because you didn’t want to wear the traditional Malfoy marriage robes?”

“You don’t think I’m rushing into this?” Draco said, looking at himself in the mirror again.

“Not a good question to ask ten minutes before, mate,” Blaise said. There was a knock on the door, and Hermione and Ron entered.

“You two ready?” Hermione said. “You look amazing Draco.”

Blaise and Pansy stood up and walked towards the door. “You’ll be fine, Draco. You always wanted an August wedding.” 

The four left, and Draco looked in the mirror one last time before following them.

 

Draco entered the giant silver and gold canopy from the left side of the Manor’s backyard. He looked back and saw his entire family, including his parents, aunt Andromeda, and turquoise-haired Teddy, sitting in front of him in their best. The other side was filled with red-haired Weasleys and members of the second Order of the Phoenix, including Minister Shacklebolt and Aberforth Dumbledore. With a pang, Draco thought of how, despite all the happy things that today meant, it was also destined to remind everyone of all the people they had lost in the war. Finally, Draco looked directly across the tent.

Harry Potter looked as handsome as he ever had under the silver and gold lighting in the manor’s backyard. Draco walked slowly towards him, trying not to smile too giddily. He reached the middle at the same time as Harry and turned to the Ministry officiant. Out of the corner of his mouth he whispered to Harry, “How do you think it’s fair to look better than me at my own wedding?”

Harry whispered back, “I could say the same to you, Mr. Malfoy.”

“That’s Mr. Potter to you.”

“Not yet it isn’t.”

Draco grinned. He knew it probably meant there was something wrong with his head, but Harry’s teasing made him more sure that this was the right choice than hours of his friends’ reassurances ever could have.

 

Draco and Harry were the last ones still dancing. Everyone had offered their congratulations and gone home, except for Ron, Pansy, Hermione, and Blaise who slowly made their way over to where Harry and Draco were still waltzing. “We’re heading home,” Pansy and Blaise said.

“It was a beautiful wedding,” Hermione gushed, and Ron nodded in agreement.

“We’ll see you when we see you,” Draco said.

“Goodnight,” Harry said, and their friends disappeared with a flash. “You know what I’ve been thinking about?”

“What?” Draco asked, spinning Harry around gently.

Harry bit his bottom lip before he said, “I’d like to have kids. One definitely, maybe two or three.”

Draco looked at him, eyes wide. “Are you serious?” Harry nodded, and Draco snogged him hard. “I’d love to have kids. Not yet, but definitely.”

They turned around the dance floor again. “Are you ready for an adventure?” Harry asked.

“With you? Always.” And the two Disapparated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's done! thanks for sticking around for this adventure and look out for my pwp one shot that will be the "missing" scene in chapter seven if thats your kinda thing

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on my [main blog](http://hopingforaword.tumblr.com) or my [Harry Potter side blog](http://hermionejeangranger.tumblr.com) or leave a comment/kudos  
> thanks for reading <3 you're the reason I do this
> 
> Also, if you really like my work you can "buy me a coffee"


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